Listening with Empathy

Ensemble playing is like a dream for many people: It promises to be so much fun---until we actually do it. Then all kinds of things go awry:
The rhythm is off: Can't you count?
It's out of tune: But I play the piano so it can't be me!
It sounds so good when we all play together but I hate having to be all by myself!
It seems to me the problem is that, just as we are listened to without empathy, so we do not learn how to listen either to ourselves or to others with empathy.

And where does the composer fit into such a picture?